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Discipline and Pleasure Spankings

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Lady_lyn
Advanced Spanko
Username: Lady_lyn

Post Number: 4759
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 09:40 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

If this topic has been covered before, my apologies for the repeat.


I have a few questions concerning DD or Dom/sub relationships. The answers will probably vary depending on the people involved, but I am most interested in everyone's comments.

~ On average, how often do you receive (or need to give) an NG (naughty girl), BG (bad girl), maintenance, or punishment spanking? (Those are the terms I have seen, but I suspect there might be others.) Daily? Weekly? Monthly? Once or twice a year?

~ Are those spankings sometimes, or often, for the same "broken rule"? Example: A spanking is given for a missed curfew, and another is earned for the same thing two weeks later. Or are lessons thoroughly learned from discipline spankings, and mistakes are rarely, if ever, repeated?

~ Do the types of spankings differ for repeated "offences"? Example: The first time earns an NG, the second time a BG or punishment and so forth. Could this also include changes in the length and intensity of these spankings?

~ Are certain implements and positions reserved only for discipline and others only for pleasure?

~ Is positive re-enforcement used? Example: Instead of naughty behaviour earning BGs, good behaviour can be rewarded with GG (good girl) spankings.




The glance none saw beside,
The smile none else might understand,
That whisper'd thought of hearts allied,
The pressure of that thrilling hand!

~ Lord Byron "To Thyrza"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your heart is free....
Have the courage to follow it."
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Peter
Spanking Wizards (Moderator)
Username: Peter

Post Number: 9404
Registered: 01-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 11:38 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

If you use the site's search facility using 'Discipline Spankings' you will find previous threads, but to answer your questions.

a GG is a Good Girl spanking
a BG is a Bad Girl spanking.
a punishment spanking is much harsher still.

I find that a new submissive will do things requiring correction quite often in the early stages of a relationship, maybe weekly. As she learns where to draw the lines and what consequences she faces for crossing those lines the need for correctional punishments usually gets less and less. All start off as a BG which can get progressively more severe. A punishment spanking really hurts to ensure it is a deterrent.

If she keeps breaking the same rule then either the type of punishment should escalate until she learns the error of her ways, harder spankings or nastier toys etc, or it should change completely. A good Dom will find what she really does not like and use it when necessary.

I have even NOT spanked as a way of teaching her when I thought she was doing it to earn the spanking she craved.
There are many other punishments including non-physical ones. E.g. depriving her of things she likes, like computer time, loss of car use and earlier curfews.
Re curfews, if she steals time from it then bedtime becomes earlier to compensate until all stolen time is repaid.

With some subs I have had toys that are only used for punishment.

Yes I very much believe in a 'carrot & stick' approach including rewards for good behaviour. I enjoy giving GGs as a reward.

In my life I have been many people, yet I am still me


I walk quietly but carry a big stick


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Lisarn
Junior Spanko
Username: Lisarn

Post Number: 105
Registered: 03-2006
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 12:10 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Lady_lyn

I'm not sure if this helps because I can't definitively say that I'm in what many might consider a DD relationship. I consider it more Dominant/submissive. It's one built upon mutual respect and never taking each other too seriously.


Do I get BG spankings? Sure, but, again, we never take things too seriously. Punishment spankings? I've had 2 in eight years. Both of these were for lying, even if it was about something small. GG spankings are plentiful. Stress reducing spankings? At times. Maintenance spankings do not exist in our reality. I'm not quite sure what purpose they serve.


The bottom line is mutual love and respect. We have equal footing in our relationship, and I can call him out on poor judgement as easily as he can take me to task for the same. We both feel that the unwritten agreement we have for holding each other accountable helps us to communicate openly and honestly. There have been times that he's asked to be spanked for poor behavior. Its occurrence is rare and I do it only because he asks. This reversal of roles is something I do out of love. He never spanks me for anything serious unless I agree to it. It all boils down to the giving and taking in our relationship.


I don't know if this answers your questions, but I hope it may give some insight into the individuality of each relationship.

Lisa
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
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Pagan
Senior Spanko
Username: Pagan

Post Number: 7141
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 12:24 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I hope I'm not opening a can or worms here or appearing critical of relationships involving discipline, because that is most assuredly not my intention.

Frequent punishments don't make a lot of sense to me, unless they're really a game in disguise. I don't so much mean from a 'training' perspective (because I can understand how that might be different), but in terms of a 'normal' (whatever that means) relationship.

Although I get spanked frequently, and I may get the "You're getting spanked because you've been a bad girl' bit, there is actually no real intent to correct; it's just a sham that allows for play.

In terms of being actually corrected though, I simply can't imagine that there would be many occasions where that would actually be justified or required.

I'm not financially irresponsible. I would never drink and drive. I do my share around the house. I take good care of the kids. I don't drink to excess or do drugs. If I was behaving inappropriately in these areas, my last worry would be getting a spanking; the natural consequences are enough of a deterrent. I'd be far more concerned that my husband would view me as a poor choice of a life partner.

I have trouble understanding the accounts I read of wives being spanked weekly (or more) for correction. Not stress release or maintenance, not for pleasure. As discipline. How can someone behave badly enough to warrant actually being punished that frequently without it affecting the relationship?

If I behaved in a way that I agreed was inappropriate enough to warrant 'discipline', I really don't think it would take much of a spanking at all to reinforce the point. I'd be upset already at having let myself and my partner down; I think a severe discipline spanking would crush me. Total overkill.

I just can't imagine continuing to repeat the offense again and again; if I did it would likely be because I didn't really think the behaviour was wrong in the first place.

Perhaps I'm missing something because this simply isn't a dynamic I've experienced. It just strikes me that if the Top/Dom has to keep spanking his bottom for the same behaviour over and over, that either she isn't committed to changing it, or the spanking isn't effective. (Perhaps it's an unintended reward, or perhaps it's something that a spanking can't really fix such as an addiction).

I've been spanked more than once when I was really tense and/or cranky, but that doesn't feel like discipline to me; more stress release.

But if I repeatedly didn't pay the phone bill, got speeding tickets, slacked off around the house (insert offense of choice) even after being called on it, I know my husband would be annoyed at me for not fulfilling my end of the bargain. That's a marriage threatening situation, not a spanking one.

Do people really get punished over and over, or is most of what we read simply play masquerading as BGs?
"Self esteem isn't everything; it's just there's nothing without it ..." - Gloria Steinem

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain

"There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." - Walter Wellesley Smith

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Lisarn
Junior Spanko
Username: Lisarn

Post Number: 106
Registered: 03-2006
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 12:35 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Of course every relationship is different. I agree with Pagan. I think BG spankings are part of the "play". Frankly, for my husband and myself at least, it's all really a game. Certainly not the focus of our relationship, and never taking precedence over real issues. If punishment spankings tend to be that frequent, there might be other more serious issues to focus upon.
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau
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Spoiltbrat
Spanko
Username: Spoiltbrat

Post Number: 827
Registered: 07-2008
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 01:58 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

good points folks,
I get spanked alot, but its because its what we both want and need , it simply works for us,
its not really a serious DD relationship , we just try to pretend it is
I dont get spanked for serious things ,,, In fact I wouldnt dream of seriously defying my wonderful man , ( I have done on odd occasions , but not anymore )
my spankings are for ...just bratty petty daft things

Me and Mr Bond have been married a long long time, we trust each other, know each other inside out ,
and most of all really really love each other very deeply ,
hand on heart I would never ever truly hurt him with my behaviour , its fun , and he loves IT as much as I DO ...LOL
This situation probably wouldnt work for everyone .. but for us it does !!, and I wouldnt want it any other way

you have hit the nail on the head Pagan , maybe it is a game in disguise ,
but it suits us perfectly and I Looovvveee it

just my 10 penn`oth folks
susiex
If you love something , set it free, If it comes back to you , it is Yours , If it doesnt ,it never was .
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Gigi
Junior Spanko
Username: Gigi

Post Number: 57
Registered: 07-2008
Posted on Tuesday, November 11, 2008 - 08:36 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

This is an interesting discussion Lyn.

Pagan said: (sorry, I don't know how to do the quote thing)

Although I get spanked frequently, and I may get the "You're getting spanked because you've been a bad girl' bit, there is actually no real intent to correct; it's just a sham that allows for play.


I would have to mostly agree with this in my relationship. We are not true dd, but we have dabbled a bit. I find that I am very attracted to the dominant side of my husband. I love reading stories in which the husband take his wife in hand and teaches her a lesson. Especially when it involves attitude, or recklessness. Hence the large collection of old historical romance novels on my shelf. That said, like Pagan I really don't find many real situations in which I would warrent discipline. I guess that's where the mock dd can come in. At times in the past I have bratted a little to get spankings, but never really do anything bad.

Still we have used some real dd successfully in the past. A couple of years ago I would repeatedly forget to turn the oven off. We even found it still turned on the next day a few times. My husband decided that I needed some more incentive to remember and so he decided that any time he found the oven turned on after I was done using it I would be spanked. He would have me stand (safetly) next to the oven and procede to spank me quite hard while I was standing there. Let me say that I hated these as:

1. They hurt. The position caused a very unfomfortable between the cheeks burn. Sorry TMI

2. I hated the position. It lacked the coziness and intimacy of OTK.

3. It was not done for fun but rather to teach a lesson.

These were very effective and I so wanted to avoid the spanking that I only forgot rarely and now almost never leave it on. This would be a good example of effective dd for me.

If I ever were to do something really reckless or dangerous on purpose I would hope I would be punished for it. That said I have no intention of doing such a thing so it really is a moot point.

There have been occasional other times I felt that I deserved spankings probably more BG's than discipline. Mostly for disrespect which occasionally comes out during a heated discussion. Only sometimes has he actually given them to me for that, and then only a day or two later after things have cooled off. Not sure if that really counts.

As for other things, I don't really get punished, but He will often bring things up while we are playing. This is when he often reinforces messages such as being a better listener or not trying to do too much and therefore getting stressed out and taking it out on him. It's hard not to get the message when otk getting your backside reddened. Perhaps these fall under the category of maintenance? Not sure, but hubby always says he can tell when I haven't been spanked in a while by my attitude and that I need it for booth of our well being. lol.

anyway sorry to ramble. It will be interesting to here what others say

Gigi
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Paddledprincess
Intermediate Spanko
Username: Paddledprincess

Post Number: 467
Registered: 01-2005
Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 01:22 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Hiya. I'm still extremely new to the REAL D/s.

I have a Dom that is a natural Dom and I am a natural sub...

I would say in the 2ish months that we've been doing this I've been spanked 4 times... But yes it's much easier to get in trouble when you're new...both sides still testing the waters.

2 of my spankings have been "discipline" and they were for my tone...it's not something I'm doing intentionally but it needs to be discussed nonetheless. I am learning on this issue...but it's harder to know WHERE I crossed the line..not THAT I crossed the line. Both spankings were completely different from one another...I would say that the second one was more harsh than the first...but not by so much that it was extreme. Basically..if it didn't work the first time...you gotta try something different the second time.

You asked about learning from a punishment the first time...and I think they're only deterrents...in the beginning while it's still really fresh on the mind..especially if you still feel it, it's a lot less likely to be repeated.

As far as implements and positions reserved for specific purposes...I'm not really sure. Basically...he'll use what he wants when he wants so I don't see this as a specific rule.

There's always goin to be positive reenforcement..even if it's just a "good job" or a normal day. Things are so hard and scary when they're tense...knowing that I've wronged him (and me at times) is horrible...When he looks at me and smiles or touches me affectionately...that's positive reenforcement.

Hope I helped at all.
If you check right, my attitude is always more brat than bottom
But my bottom can always cash the checks my attitude writes.

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Skylar
Advanced Spanko
Username: Skylar

Post Number: 2653
Registered: 02-2008
Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 12:21 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

To me, the DD and the Dom/sub relationship, is different both in dynamics and emotionally.

I don’t think I could be able to handle a DD type of relationship. In my head, I have a hard time ‘placing’ myself in this frame of mind to allow myself to be ‘punished’ for mistakes that I have made by my husband, as a means of discipline.

I think I would have too many feelings of being treated as a child and I don’t think I could truly appreciate the depth of what this relationship could be. Curfews, skipping meals, working late, these are all things that I feel I am able to determine and control on my own. I do not mind the encouragement or reminders from my husband, but having a large family with lots of little children means there are lots of rearranging of schedules occurring….it would be too hard to make a true DD relationship work for us.

Now a Dom/sub relationship, is something that I think I would be able to do. I think the Dom/ sub relationship is more about control rather then discipline. While I don’t feel I need the ‘disciple’ in my life, the idea of giving away control is more appealing.
I don’t think I would have feelings of ‘unfairness’ or feelings of being treated like a child (which is something I think I might feel in a DD relationship)

To me, if I were to be a sub, there could be inconsistency and unpredictability because I would be in the control of my Dom. If he decides to punishment me for something then I would accept it because it wouldn’t only be about me being a ‘bad girl’ who need correction, it would be about me giving my control over to another.

I also think this type of relationship could be easily done on a ‘part time’ basis….maybe one weekend out of every month, I would be my husbands sub I would give him control during this time. (this is something I think we could some day work toward in real life).
I not sure if the part time thing could work in a true DD relationship.

Now to answer your question.......If I were in a Dom/sub relationship, I think maintenance spankings would be very effective. As would 'saving' certin implements for these types of spankings. I would think once a month would be a good 'reminder.' But then everyone is different. These types of spankings might help me reach more of a submissive frame of mind and add the ‘dominant' feeling that would be needed to make this relationship successful.



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Victory
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victory

Post Number: 3724
Registered: 08-2004
Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 10:29 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I agree with Skylar that D/d and D/s are different.

http://www.herwoodshed.com/library/brenna1.html

The above link is about establishing a D/d relationship, with the reason being the distinct desire for this relationship, not for an "efficiently running household", as mentioned on Bethany's free advice section:

http://www.herwoodshed.com

These are the first D/d articles I encountered
when I started to explore spanking on the internet five years ago...it's definitely nostaglic to revist them!
"Hello, Chicago."

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, TONIGHT IS YOUR ANSWER."

-U.S. President-elect Barack Obama
Grant Park, Chicago, IL, U.S.
November 4, 2008
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Victory
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victory

Post Number: 3725
Registered: 08-2004
Posted on Wednesday, November 12, 2008 - 10:35 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Here's a better link for the free advice section:

bhttp://www.herwoodshed.com/advice/advice.html
"Hello, Chicago."

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, TONIGHT IS YOUR ANSWER."

-U.S. President-elect Barack Obama
Grant Park, Chicago, IL, U.S.
November 4, 2008
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Lady_lyn
Advanced Spanko
Username: Lady_lyn

Post Number: 4770
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Thursday, November 13, 2008 - 02:51 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Everyone, many thanks for your thoughtful responses.


The glance none saw beside,
The smile none else might understand,
That whisper'd thought of hearts allied,
The pressure of that thrilling hand!

~ Lord Byron "To Thyrza"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your heart is free....
Have the courage to follow it."
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Persephone
Advanced Spanko
Username: Persephone

Post Number: 1972
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 03:06 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

having been in a D/s relationship for two and a half years (and now starting to move on to a new relationship with my own partner, where the role of my submission hasn't completely been figured out yet)...

i don't get spankings for positive reinforcement because i don't enjoy receiving that kind of spanking. i also generally don't get punished for silly rule breaking. i mean, i have been. but more often i get punished after i've let my stubbornness get out of hand. i've been cranky and spoken in ways that wasn't allowed. and how often i've been punished for these things has varied based on my development as an owned submissive and what has been going on in my life.

for instance, when i first started my training, i was very well-behaved and rarely was punished. when i went through transitions though-- such as when we all decided to up the intensity of our relationship a bit, or when i first moved to the same city where my owners live and had to adjust to stricter and more ubiquitous type of submission-- i was spanked more frequently, sometimes as often as twice a week!! again, this was usually for defiance rather than rule-breaking.

for repeated offenses, yes, the punishments became more severe, but not always with a harsher spanking. sometimes it was something completely different if it became clear that the spanking wasn't enough to change the behavior. i remember for a while i had a really hard time honoring my bedtime and they put something in place that had me jumping into bed every night without a second to waste.

i'm not spanked for pleasure (not MY pleasure anyhow) so there were never any implements used just for that. they all hurt!!

oh, forgot to completely answer the first question-- when i am spanked it is always either for punishment, to help ground me (which i guess you could technically call a 'stress release spanking'), or for my owners' pleasure. but usually when i am spanked it is for punishment, or at least it feels that way.

now i want to speak to pagan's comment. i definitely see her point in regards to DD relationships where the bottom is spanked for the violation of concrete rules. but in relationships like mine it's very different. the point of punishment is not negative reinforcement-- it serves the purpose of reconnecting me to my submission and to my owners. there is the pain element, and the embarrassment factor (i find spankings to be extremely embarrassing) that push my limits and remind me that i am not in control, and there is the fact that they are given to me with love by people who care about me. it's okay that i enjoy parts of being punished-- i definitely *don't* enjoy other parts... obviously a D/s relationship has to be fulfilling to everyone, including the submissive, and being spanked helps me to feel safe and grounded and helps me to be a good girl. though i find them arousing, there is never any sex after my spankings. (maybe that will change now that i have a boyfriend but i'm still not sure about that.)

i agree that when the idea behind a spanking is that it's supposed to be a negative reinforcement for behavior, then it seems silly to be spanked weekly or frequently for the same offense. i think that sounds like a game too.

but in my situation, i am spanked for the purpose of helping me to feel contained. it's okay for me to need that as often as i need it. i mean, to some extent. obviously if i needed that kind of containment every day then something would be wrong. it has to mean something, and it has to have some lasting effect. but in my case the idea that spankings would be needed less and less over time doesn't apply. in stressful times and adjustment periods, i needed more containment, and they gave it to me. luckily they enjoy doling that out. :-)
"the pain passes but the beauty remains"
-pierre august renoir

my blog, persephone's obedience
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Pagan
Senior Spanko
Username: Pagan

Post Number: 7162
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 09:06 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

That makes sense to me, Meg; I have some of those feelings as well. I tend to look at those more as 'connection' or 'maintenance' than discipline though. A reminder of the dynamic of a sorts. If I haven't been spanked in awhile (a whole week or something ) then I really start to begin craving it, and not for sexual reasons.

Even my 'vanilla' hubby gets this. I just feel more relaxed, centered and close to him after a spanking. Endorphin rush, stress release, maintenance...call it whatever you like, but in my case, it's not discipline.

It sounds to me (from the outside looking in) that you feeling 'contained' is similar. That kind of dynamic reminder feels different (to me) than an actual punishment for a specific transgression.
"Self esteem isn't everything; it's just there's nothing without it ..." - Gloria Steinem

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything." - Mark Twain

"There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein." - Walter Wellesley Smith

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Shewolf
Senior Spanko
Username: Shewolf

Post Number: 13131
Registered: 06-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 10:00 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Do people really get spanked for disobedience or for breaking rules, or is it all a sham? Well as someone whose been in a D/s relationship for over 5 years now and who wanted DD in her life...I can safely say its very real to those of us who take it seriously. Using spanking as discipline is no different than anything else...if you want it to work for you and accept your spanker as your disciplinarian, then it will work.

Are there people who "play" at doing discipline? Of course. There are also those people who get into a DD relationship (or who want help with certain problem areas), and then scheme to get out of punishments, figure out ways to hide things from their spanker and who use discipline as a way to insure that they get all the spankings they want. Like any other relationship, a DD one needs care, affection, communication and a sense of humor to make it work. Someone who is an "in control" kind of person or who isn't submissive would have a very hard time understanding a disciplinary relationship. But for those of us who have always wanted help with willpower and who think that they could accept being spanked by their partner in a serious sense...DD works very well indeed.

As Peter said, in the beginning a spankee will commit the same infractions over and over again. Usually this is because bad habits are hard to break and the spankee is also testing her spanker..."will he really do it?" or "does he mean what he says?" kind of testing. Consistency is very important in DD, because the spankee needs to know she can depend on her spanker to do as he promises. If he warns her that he will punish for something, then forgets or cant be bothered, the spankee is left feeling that he doesn't care about her. Sometimes in her frustration she will break more rules as a way of telling him how upset she is. When she sees that he will back up his threats of discipline the spankee feels reassured and the problems usually fix themselves with time.

I am spanked for many, many reasons...most of which are fun or erotic. I do get gg's, and the occasional bg when I've screwed up or decided I didn't need to follow the rules that particular time. Punishment spankings are horrible things and we've only had to use them 4 times in our relationship. They were for very serious misbehavior, usually something that has put my life or health in danger.

Does using spanking as discipline make me less of an adult? Not in my opinion. After many years of being battered by bad relationships, of coping with some pretty stressful times and falling into a lack of caring about my own existence, I had a lot of baggage weighing me down. Not everyone has the fortitude or willpower to yank themselves up by their bootstraps and to fix their own problems. If they did we wouldn't have DUI's, overeating, smoking addictions and such. For some people nothing works as well as knowing that someone who cares about them will provide consequences if they break rules that they themselves have said they needed. It doesn't make them less of a person, an adult or a bottom...and it doesn't mean that the spanker who cares about them and agrees to help them in this way is less of a Top or Dom, or a vicious brute who beats his spankee because he has a "reason".

Sorry to go off topic a bit Lady Lyn, I realize you want serious answers to your questions. We've talked about this many times before and I know you understand how my relationship works. For anyone else whose interested, we use a book to keep track of any misconduct or rule breaking (I'm in a long distance relationship), we have a punishment paddle only used for "those" kind of spankings, and I can be made to dress a certain way or be in a certain position for disciplinary sessions. Any form of real discipline is always followed by cuddles, kisses and forgiveness by my partner, which allows me to also forgive myself and to move forward afterwards. I have changed many bad habits with the help of my Dom, have a renewed sense of self respect for myself and I cope with problems that crop up in my life easier because of his stance on the bottom line. Lyn, I hope that incorporating discipline into your new relationship will work as well for you as it has for me. :-)

wolfie[D]
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Lady_lyn
Advanced Spanko
Username: Lady_lyn

Post Number: 4782
Registered: 12-2003
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 02:58 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Everyone, thanks very much!


Wolfie, my apologies if I gave the impression that I was "incorporating discipline into [my] new relationship." My initial questions stem from curiosity and interest. I would consider utilising discipline in a close relationship, with the right person, but in my limited experience, I have met only one or two men where the appropriate level of mutual affection, trust, and respect has been established.

Mock discipline can be great fun and lead to other pleasures. Yet the idea of receiving a real BG or punishment spanking thoroughly frightens me. Perhaps, in part, it would be due to the discomfort of the spanking - but mostly due to the fact I would have violated a facet of the agreement and disappointed him.

In the final analysis, I suspect that when the guidelines were mutually agreed upon and in place, merely the thought of receiving a disciplinary spanking would provide enough incentive for me to maintain my part of the arrangement. Perhaps one day I shall be fortunate enough to test my hypothesis.





The glance none saw beside,
The smile none else might understand,
That whisper'd thought of hearts allied,
The pressure of that thrilling hand!

~ Lord Byron "To Thyrza"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Your heart is free....
Have the courage to follow it."
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Xan
New Spanko
Username: Xan

Post Number: 2
Registered: 11-2008
Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 - 04:15 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I only receive discipline spankings right now because I have a disciplinarian who is not my husband. My husband seems to be warming up to the idea of using spanking in our relationship. I hope we can develop a D/d relationship over time.
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Victory
Advanced Spanko
Username: Victory

Post Number: 3738
Registered: 08-2004
Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 12:28 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Pers, I am going to send you a PM.
"Hello, Chicago."

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, TONIGHT IS YOUR ANSWER."

-U.S. President-elect Barack Obama
Grant Park, Chicago, IL, U.S.
November 4, 2008
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Paddledprincess
Intermediate Spanko
Username: Paddledprincess

Post Number: 477
Registered: 01-2005
Posted on Wednesday, November 19, 2008 - 05:20 pm:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

Lyn, the idea of spanking is scary all on its own. Especially when you're not really sure what you're in for. You don't know how you're gonna feel, and there can even be a selfconscious issue in there as well.

I've known my Dom for 8 years and I received my first spanking from him about 2 months ago. I was terrified, it was uncomfortable BEING that way in front of him instead of just TALKING about it like we always had...but that passed...during that spanking...the feelings were gone.

We're scared of the unknown. I'm not going to say I don't get a bit apprehensive when I know I've gotten myself into a mess...but I am not scared...there is no fear. I am saddened and disappointed in myself for causing him disappointment...but never fear. I dunno what to expect, I really don't, but the level of trust is so high that I know I have no reason to fear.


So these feelings of being "thoroughly frightened" are normal...but it's probably just nerves. If you are always honest (always) about your feelings and tell your spanker when you're scared/nervous/excited/etc. it will help your level of mutual trust AND help him read you better, which is pretty important in my opinion.
If you check right, my attitude is always more brat than bottom
But my bottom can always cash the checks my attitude writes.

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Brennarose
Spanko
Username: Brennarose

Post Number: 925
Registered: 02-2005
Posted on Sunday, November 23, 2008 - 11:02 am:   Edit Post Delete Post View Post/Check IP    Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)

I have had two what I would call very serious punishment spankings in the 4 years of our relationship. I have not repeated those behaviors ever. I do get what I call corrections because I am naturally sassy and a little mouthy.

Sometimes he finds it cute but I can take it too far and then I get \"corrected\". I get stress reliefs when I ask or he thinks I need them. i get lots of play and good girls just because we want to and it is fun.

I think the dynamic is different in every discipline lifestyle. It is what works for the couple. Sometimes, I just need to test him to see if he is still going to follow through. Not so much now as in the beginning.

Everyone had great answers here.
"I still light up like a candle burning when he calls me, I still melt down like a candle burning every time we touch...
by Annie

In the New Year, I give you my love, my respect and my submission. You are my Rock!


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